A herd of horses doesn’t sleep all at once. Horses need to lay flat to get deep, restful REM sleep and this can take place in short increments (like 15-30 minutes) a few times a day. They also can rest by locking their knees and standing, and they do this for 5-7 hours a day. Depending on the size of the herd, one or two horses sleep at a time while at least one stands guard. In my herd, I see this happen where buddies will rest together. I smile to myself and feel a bit calmer and yes, safe, when I see this happen because I know all is well in the herd.
For us, who often are alone or don’t have that herd mentality, our stories become our trusted companions. They “keep watch” for us and often keep us on alert as well. I was just thinking about this as I was dealing with some unexpected anxiety. You know the kind where you’re feeling anxious, maybe you feel your heart racing, and you wonder why? Everything is going okay, or is it? Like our ancestors who would hear grass rustling and think not “oh it’s breezy today”, but rather “that’s a predator about to attack”, our own nervous systems can go on high alert at the simplest provocation. Sometimes because there are no provocations, because it can be very scary to feel safe and cared for when that’s not something we’re used to feeling.
This message really hit home for me today because for the past six weeks we’ve been dealing with a lot. Multiple tornado outbreaks, multiple days long power outages, our well needing repaired, and then all the minor annoyances of life like a check engine light and the periodic replacement of our shower faucet. Add to that studying for comprehensive exams for my graduate degree (which I had a week ago yesterday and I PASSED!) and the usual stress of being a full time graduate student and the ongoing issues at the day job. Suffice to say, it has been a lot! But most of that is behind me, with the final hurdle hopefully being cleared this afternoon, and I realized I was anxious. Like super, heart-pounding on the verge of a panic attack anxious.
That’s when I remembered I’ve been dealing with a long term belief/story that it was not safe for me to feel safe. It’s something that I’ve been working with a mental health professional about and yet, because of my neurodivergence and the memory issues caused by cPTSD/trauma, it had totally slipped my mind until I was able to slow down, breathe, and remember.
This story does not serve me, and it really isn’t true anymore. I am in a different situation, a different place, and with better supports than I’ve ever had. It is okay to feel safe. It is safe to feel safe. And just like that, my anxiety diffused, and I could use some of my mindfulness and breathing tools to help ground myself, remember that it’s okay to be safe, and move forward.
If I were in a herd, then it is the knowledge that while I rested and took care of myself, there are others looking out for trouble on the horizon. My mental health team, my spouse, my good friends and even those whom I’ve never met online who support me.
Fred Rogers famously said “look for the helpers” and we can debate whether he was speaking to kids looking for adults or speaking more generally. I would argue both. I know my younger self is finding a helper in my older self and in those around me. And, I think we all need to look for the helpers.
A herd is very often like a found family because too often today horses don’t have a say in where they are boarded and what group they’re turned out with. My own herd is a little bit of both. My mare I brought with me from Iowa and Holly, the rescue mare, then there’s the two horses that were here when we moved in, and my mare’s (now 11 years old) filly. And within that found family there are often helpers who can help us find safety and make sure we’re connecting with our authentic story.
