As the temperatures are finally turning warmer after an extremely cold week this week and I can start to breathe a sigh of relief that I got myself, my spouse, the horses, chickens, pigs, (not to mention the cats including the two strays I trapped and have inside so they didn’t have to brave below zero windchill and snow), plus the homestead including the well and house pipes through the cold, I realized something. There are mental health tools I use to help calm my raging anxiety, but as I gave a quick prayer of gratitude I also realized that my spiritually helps too.
I feel like this should be a podcast or maybe one of those longer form videos I keep meaning to make because I feel like I could talk about this topic for a while. But since I’ll probably be recording these blogs to make them more accessible, that may happen anyway. Hello and welcome to my brain.
Back to the topic at hand…so as I was giving that prayer of gratitude I realized that my spirituality helps calm my anxiety, and that’s not something that was taught in any of my psychology classes or any of the mental health bloggers and vloggers I subscribe to who talk about anxiety, especially around neurodivergence.
For me, this is how it works…
As someone who has always been the one to fix or take care of things, and to take the heat when they weren’t fixed or taken care of to someone’s satisfaction, my hyper-awareness comes in (If I’m allowed to say this) really handy because I’m always keeping an eye on the weather or paying attention to the house or the farm. If it’s something, like the weather, I can plan for, then I do. I begin thinking about when to, for example, drip pipes or bring the hoses I use to fill the livestock’s water, into the house to keep them thawed. I do what I can.
And then–and this is important!–I leave the rest up to the gods.
I will light incense and spend some time talking to the deities I connect with, such as Epona (Goddess of horses) asking her (or them depending on who I’m speaking with) to watch over the horses, the farm, my spouse and I, and anyone else who may be in harm’s way. If I’m worried, I’ll talk to them. I use this as an opportunity to remind myself that there’s only so much I can control and I’ve done all that I can do IN THAT MOMENT. I do not spend time being hard on myself for say, not manifesting enough money for a tornado shelter, or figuring out just how one does wire a generator, which we also don’t have and probably need. Instead, I remind myself that I’ve done what I can do within my time, available resources including my own energy and strength, and of all the things we’ve gotten through before.
When we’ve come through, I also give thanks to the gods. I ask for their help if something does go wrong or for strength to get through trying situations, but I also give thanks and appreciation because I am very aware of just how insignificant I am on this tiny blue dot, and while my horses mean the world to me, and I suspect I’m the world to them, Epona probably has much more expensive and much more important horses to look after than me and my little sacred herd (for example).
Connecting with my spirituality reminds me I’m not alone
Again speaking personally, for me and my anxiety, being alone, being the only person to take care of things and keep the ship afloat is a huge trigger. It’s a part of my cPTSD, and I acutely feel the lack of in-person community I have due to a variety of factors including sheer geographic isolation more or less. And whether you believe in actual deities, as I do, or you simply think about the universe or our higher selves or the forces of good as spirituality, realizing that there’s something out there that you may not have seen personally but could have experienced, well it gives you a bit of hope. I helps buoy you in the dark times, guides you through troubled waters.
Because the truth is, none of us are islands, none of us are alone. We are always part of a wider, larger community. And for me, connecting with my spirituality helps to soothe my anxiety because it reminds me of that. I believe I’m not alone; therefore, I am not alone in my thoughts. And that, is sometimes all it takes, to help calm the anxious, amygdala-driven part of my mind, and get me through whatever I’m facing at the moment.
And if you’re reading this, you’re not alone either, because I see you, and I appreciate you.
