Mother Nature and horses have two things in common; they are subject to their own whims. In the case of Mother Nature, late summer and into fall has been rather dry here in the Ozarks and that meant I received the text I’d been dreading: my hay person would not have the bales I needed for winter. Now, my gut had told me that this might happen, so I’d been keeping an eye on the hay listings I’ve been seeing. Luckily, I reached out and was able to secure hay from a couple of other sellers. In fact, I’m probably expecting the final delivery next weekend.
But this experience taught me a few things. First, I need to trust my gut. It’s usually right. And while I can chalk up the nagging worry in the back of my mind due to anxiety, I should also probably listen to it and be prepared. Next, it is safe to have faith. The mantra that got me through this was thinking that it would work out. My patron deity is Epona, a pan-Celtic/Roman horse goddess, and I trusted that she would not let me (or more importantly the horses) down. I’m also reminded that manifestation often doesn’t look the way that we expect. I spent the first half of September hauling hay every afternoon I could, which really upended my writing and my schedule. That was okay though because I was getting hay.
What I’m really thinking about is that past trauma really made it difficult to believe and have faith that everything would work out. Again, it’d be very easy to blame my mental health diagnoses (anxiety and cPTSD) on this, but that isn’t the entire story. What the horses teach me is that although we cannot control nature, we can have faith that everything will work out. We also need to understand that we don’t know exactly how or when it will.
Faith can be difficult. It’s slippery and easy to lose. But there are times when it also is a requirement, that it helps us get through a tough time. For me, remembering that nature finds a way, life finds a way, helps me to keep the faith and in the end, it helps the horses too.
