We’re about two weeks away from the winter solstice, but the horses’ coats started getting longer back in October as the light began to quickly fade. Fortune always grows a coat like a teddy bear, long and fuzzy, perfect no doubt for those Iowa winters she spent before our move here about a dozen years ago, and really nice for hugging on a cold winter’s day (or any day!). I noticed all the horses this year grew a fuzzy coat, though as usual Fortune (senior mare) remembers her Iowa roots and grows the fuzziest. It got me to thinking about lived experience and systems of care.
There are many factors that go into how fuzzy a horse gets in the winter, including length of daylight, ambient temperature, whether they are stabled in a barn (is it heated? Oh to dream!), and genetic factors. The history of Fortune’s dam (mother) is a mystery, other than it was a large buckskin mare who had a surprise foal after being purchased at the sale barn, but it’s quite possible if that mare had been in Iowa or the upper Midwest for any length of time, that she passed on to her foal through genetics the knowledge that it gets cold and a fuzzy winter coat is a must.
There are no cold Olympics anymore than there is trauma Olympics. What do I mean by that? It means that if you’re cold, you’re cold. We each have different internal thermostats and regulatory systems. I tend to run warm, and unless the wind is blowing or it gets below freezing, I’m perfectly fine running around in a long-sleeved t-shirt outside. The sun is my warmth, and I bask in it on winter days.
It is, as I say a lot, we need to honor our own and others’ lived experience.
When it comes to forming our systems of care, how we regulate our nervous systems, how we rest and recharge, how we care for ourselves at every level, we need to honor our lived experience. If I’m warm and you’re not, I don’t deny you an extra blanket or sweater. Maybe my body is more used to the warmth; maybe my internal thermostat is set different. But that doesn’t invalidate your experiences, and we need to find a way that works for everyone.
That’s why one-type-fits-all stress-reduction techniques don’t work for everyone, and why we need to instead look at the buffet table of techniques to see what can help you find the care you need. It’s not about self-care alone, because we need others, a community, someone to hold space for us, while we work to find those systems of care. We are not solitary creatures, and it’s not up to us alone to create those systems of care. It’s up to our community.
Where can you begin? Think about your lived experiences and take one aspect. Many of us are physically affected by cold weather; we hurt; we get depressed. How fuzzy is your coat? Not literally, though that could be a consideration too. I know I bought myself a new winter coat after probably close to twenty years because I needed one (and I deserved to be warm doing chores). But how warm emotionally and spiritually is your care? Do you have the comforts you need or could you use more relaxation? More rest? Do you need to reach out for a blanket (ask for help)? If you’re grieving, do you have a support system, or do you have a spiritual source that you can talk to or call out to for help?
When we put our systems of care together, then, like the horses, we can have a fuzzy coat to bring ourselves through a difficult time. It’s okay to do what you need to do to care for yourself. It’s safe to care for yourself. Creating systems of care at its core is designed to make care safe for you, and for your needs to be met. I wish you warmth and safety in your fuzzy coat.
Comment Policy
Comments are open for up to 45 days after a blog is posted. After that blog comments are closed. Note that all comments are moderated and so it may take some time for the blog comment to post. Comments are not accepted that contain advertising or profanity. As we offer spiritual mentoring, comments may contain religious discussions and comments; however, please keep comments within the spirit of interfaith and spiritual community, rather than proselytizing.
