It seems whenever someone starts to talk about difficult feelings like grief or anger, someone usually shuts them down with phrases like “think positive” or “don’t be negative”. As part of that brief conversation, a value judgment is placed upon whatever the person is feeling, and that is usually that the emotion is negative or not wanted or something that shouldn’t be experienced. That is if the individual isn’t gaslit into being told that they’re not experiencing what they’re really experiencing or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way about it.
I think we need to have a talk about labeling emotions negative. Because the truth is, they’re not bad. Yes, what we do with them can be destructive and we need to take responsibility for all of our actions, no matter what emotion is driving them. But quite often when we’re angry there’s a reason behind it. That reason could be fear or a triggering event or because of systemic injustice. Knowing why we’re feeling an emotion is vital and we really can’t dig into it if we’re trying to suppress it or will it away.
That’s often when emotions get stuck in our bodies. Think about a bag filled with clothes or blankets. You can shove what’s in the bag down and try to force it closed; that’s how we’re feeling when we shove an emotion down and try not to feel it. But either something happens and the bag opens and the contents pop up and spill all over, or they burst the bag at its seams and come out anyway. Our emotions do that too.
Grief is the natural outcome of losing something or someone we loved.
Anger happens when we feel wronged or are dealing with systemic or community wrongs.
Fear occurs because we are afraid. After all, our nervous system still treats every threat from an internet insult to human rights violations as if it’s a predator waiting to ambush us. This isn’t wrong. You can’t rationalize with your amygdala. You need to reassure it, and your body that you’re safe, even if that’s a “just for this moment” type of safety.
There are no bad emotions.
There are no negative emotions.
There are only the emotions we feel.
Let’s start there, okay?
